Hi there @wingx
This track could be an interesting one because it's very rich in terms of sounds & arrangement, so on a creative point, you did a nice job.
Now, mixing wise you're having issues with levels and frequencies filtering IMO, the lo-end gets muddy & the hi-end is not balanced and takes it over the rest.
Don't know if you tried to push the track on your master channel of if you started mixing with relatively high levels in first place but levels are really too loud here, resulting in a loss of clarity & unwanted distortion. I could see this looking at the size of the waveform but opening Sonarworks Reference confirmed that this track is clipping in the red.
You could easily lower this one from 4 to 6 dB, IMO, it's not really important to try to have a matching commercial or loud track when you're starting to produce and especially if you want to get some feedback. Gettting a louder Mix or Mastered track is another step.
So yes, interesting track on the creative process, but miss of clarity because of those levels, don't let your ears be fooled by the "louder sounds better" effect when mixing, your goal should be to get a nice balanced mix for the listener to hear all elements in the track and you have quite a lot in this one, so try to make them sit nicely together, again, levels and frequencies filtering ( lo & hi-pass filtering with EQ to get rid of unwanted frequencies ) should really help IMO.
Don't know if you've been through those 2 tutorials but I think they are good ones :