Hi there Sean !
This one is giving me a hard time to comment, LOL
In one way yes, there's an improvement in terms of clarity & levels and also in the arrangement. Though the track progression/variation is quite minimal ( but I think it's also one purpose of this track, to give that Minimal Techno feel ) there's a more distinct progression in this version and some nice variations going on with the numerous background sounds behind the percussive ones. I can now hear much more glitch & subtle sounds in the track and that's better too.
Now, there's still some things done wrong in terms of mixing levels and processing for me. Your kick is still way too loud comparing to the other elements, the recurrent percussive sound, which is increasing in volume during the track progression, is also very loud. Next to this, the kick sounds heavily processed and there's some reverb on it that makes it loose much low end for me.
So there's still a gain staging issue here according to me, you've got plenty of dynamic range and headroom in this version but at the same time you're almost reaching a mastered track loudness, and when checking out the peak levels, they are very high ( almost reaching 0 dB ), check this report from Mastering The Mix "Expose" below.
Have you checked this version through headphones BTW ? The loud level of your kick & this percussive sound should be more obvious on headphones. It might be a matter of trimming those levels down and then start to bring & mix-in the other tracks from there to get a more balanced final result.
In this version, I also could hear that you're mixing high frequency range sounds like this almost ringing sine with lot's of resonance and which is increasing in level by the end of the track, this is also something quite hard to mix, best way to deal with those "dangerous" frequencies is to use volume automation and perhaps filter/EQ automation also, directly on this channel.
SEAN DONNELLY - AMULET (ORIGINAL MIX) [MASTERED]
Integrated LUFS: -25.8 LUFS
Short Term LUFS: -18.3 LUFS
True Peak: -0.6 dBTP
Peak: -0.7 dB
Dynamic Range: 16.7 DR
Loudness Range: 9.6 LU