Hi again @markshevlin
Finally took the time to go trough this one
Also reading back your comment, so first thing first : yes, it's a very good habit to take a reference track and deconstruct it to analyze the structure & arrangement. You can either use markers or track(s) with empty Midi Clips than you can color & name to make it more visible.
As a result the structure & progression is there in your track, so that's a good point.
There's nice sounding synths in this one, maybe adding a layer playing a lower octave would add contrast to them and the percussive parts. Everything sounds quite mid range and the percussive elements are very sharp & transients based, so a lower octave synth element would add to the mix IMO. It could be a supportive atmosphere element like a darker pad processed with a reverb. Another thing for the synths is that you should experiment with adding more reverb and automate filter cutoff more, that would enhance this part as well.
Percussion are nice, but again, very sharp ( which is accentuated by the tempo of the mix ), adding a bit of tail using reverb and delays to some percussive elements would create more contrast in the mix.
Now the real issue in this one is the couple Kick + Bass. It was working when listening with a -8.2 dB level reduction inside Sonarworks "System Wide" but taking this safe headroom margin off revealed that the Kick ( when full, not during the intro ) is highly distorted, very noisy & boomy, taking all over the bass. It could be an issue with your room not letting you hear the all low frequency spectrum but I think it's more because your kick isn't filtered and that you really pushed it very hard with compression/limiter. Since the kick is 100% mono and very high in level, it really covers the bass and takes over the other elements in the mix next to sounding distorted.
Start by lowering the kick level and cut out some unwanted low end in it, then re-balance all your channels levels to gain stage the all mix starting form the kick. If you start with the kick to loud, you're going to have to crank up all elements and will struggle to maintain clarity and avoid unpleasant distortion. Also experiment with some subtle stereo spread and very tiny amount of reverb on the kick, it will help to blend it in the mix, it's really too much in your face now I think.
For the rest, nice work, good point with arrangement and sounds choices, adding some subtle effects & automations to create variations and a supportive atmosphere element could definitely push the track forward IMO.