I’ll start:

Lady in labour, shouting the usual sht, “Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!” She turns to her boyfriend and says, "You did this to me, you fcker!"

He casually replies, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse, but you said, “f*ck off it’ll be too painful”.

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat . As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your business role at this convention?”

“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.” …

“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”

“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.

Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.

I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t even know your name.”

“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me Bubba.”

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot. The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower. “Help! Help!” The tower came back and asked, “What’s the problem?” The blind guy yelled, “Help me! I’m blind… the pilot is dead, and we’re flying upside down!” The tower comes back and asked, “How do you know

you’re upside down?” “Because the **** is running down my back!”

I went to Boots and said, “Can I have a bottle of shampoo please.”

The woman said, “Extra volume?”


My wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.

She said she just couldn’t take it any longer.

2 people had sex one day, then 9 months later out popped Jon Fisher :stuck_out_tongue: :smiley:

There’s one thing Katie Price won’t fu@k that we’d love to see her do.


[quote]roben (30/07/2010)[hr]2 people had sex one day, then 9 months later out popped Jon Fisher :stuck_out_tongue: :D[/quote]

to people! my parents hardly qualify as human

Do any of you guys know Sikipedia?

A vicar books into a hotel and says to the hotel clerk “i hope the porn channel in my room is disabled”…she says "NO sir, its just regular porn

[quote]ICN (30/07/2010)[hr]Do any of you guys know Sikipedia?[/quote]

yep but you’ll have to be careful what you post

i have hundreds on my phone but they are too offensive so ill keep it simple

why did the tiger get lost?

because the junglist massive!

Roben as a child: “Oh please Mister.”

Gary Glitter: “No… **** off!”

[quote]ICN (30/07/2010)[hr]Do any of you guys know Sikipedia?[/quote]

yes great app!

iron man is a super hero,

iron woman is a command!

[quote]Mussi81 (30/07/2010)[hr]iron man is a super hero,

iron woman is a command![/quote]


its the only time a man should have and iron in his hand

My missus came home drunk yesterday afternoon. While she was trying to get undressed she fell over and knocked herself out - her knickers were round her ankles and her p***y was clearly on show … There was no chance I was going to miss an opportunity like this !! So I went out to the pub for a few beers! :D

michael jackson and gary glitter on a plane… an 8 year old girl walks past them down the aisle. michael turns to gary and says… “i bet she was a looker in her day”

last night I put some toy horses in my housemates dinner as a joke now he’s ill in hospital - the doctors say his condition is stable

lol brilliant guys!

hah nice come back Jon :wink: :laugh: